Couples therapy

Both are doing their best.
And still end up in the same loops again and again.

One pattern I see particularly often as a therapist:
both locate responsibility for the solution in the other person's behaviour.
“Once you change, it will get better.” That sounds logical — and it leads into a stalemate.
Because both are waiting for the other, and both feel helpless at the same time.

An important step is to make this movement visible — and to explore what happens inside you when the other person reacts the way they do.
Usually that brings you to feelings. And there a first problem often shows up:
what couples say to each other are often not feelings — but interpretations.
“I feel oppressed” sounds like a feeling, but it is a statement about the other person.
“It frightens me” is a feeling.
That alone changes a great deal.

The same goes for wishes.
“I would like more trust” — but what does that mean concretely?
What would have to happen for you to feel it?
“More spontaneity”, “more recognition” — these are terms everyone understands and nobody means in the same way.
Part of the work is translating these abstractions into something concrete.

Sometimes it is about learning to listen to each other again — without judging straight away.
Sometimes about giving room to old hurts that never had enough space.
Sometimes about understanding what we bring with us from where we come from —
which ideas about relationships we take for granted without ever having decided on them.

Sometimes about finding space for each other again — and the conditions under which closeness and desire become possible.
That is part of couples therapy too.

Ideally both partners want something to change.
Sometimes, though, it is only one of the two who suffers more under the current situation.
Even then a conversation together can make sense.
The willingness to engage honestly with the situation is enough.

If you have questions or would like a first impression — get in touch.